2008 poems

2008:

"Can't Help If We are Both Drowning"

And Sleep is my friendly medicine

Want to doze off to deranged worlds

Sleep is a prescription

Labeled by know it all doctors

Well I guess everyone is a witch doctor that gives my hopeless mind symptoms

Because sleep is my friendly medicine

It counter balances angst roots and depression

There’s never any money

No ends meat, only rotten honey

You call me lazy, but look at your history

Bill after bill excites your anxiety

Debt relief is a foolish task

Just an every day cry of the working class

You see a sad face again

You hear me play my sad songs that heal me again

You complain that I’m too much for you

But every time we talk, it’s all about you

I’m naturally peaceful

When I am calm, I’m like a monk

But I’m overwhelmed with people’s negative energy

And I when I feel yours, I’m about to snap

I’m tapping out, your issues just cross-fade, no doubt

If it’s not me, it’s someone else

If it’s not someone else, it’s me again

Same old issues recycled, your judgment always sucked into a black hole from a former star named Lovely

Yet suddenly you tell me you’re suffering from the same old depression that has us all

And you want me to help you…

Am I’m going crazy?

How much more advice must I give someone before I think they’re “koo..kwazy”

I’m sorry, I’m not that lazy

Life is hectic but you must finally hear my advice to relax

Yet I’m sympathetic, always caring, never giving up

I will help you, but I won’t try to so hard

Because in the end no on gives a fuck

And I’ll point you to the shore cause we’re swimming ducks, submerged in water filled with sharks

"Closure"

There is nothing left to say

When it feels like I have said this many times before

When there is no one and nothing left but me

White walls laugh hysterically

Do I really embrace it?

Why do I feel so intoxicated?

When the sun outside is a herbal remedy

Surrounded by many but feel so empty

The room is my lab and I dissect the reality of youth

So vexed from my discoveries and your presence is cancerous to my sanity

This is just a revelation: you are in crisis

You are all so fearful of breaking from your inner shells

But you want to fly like the butterflies as the drugs rot you to the annals of damnation

You are nothing but a dog that is lured by a whistle to the edge of a cliff

Adolescence is nothing but Shakespearean tragedy

Tick tock, I am counting the days but sadly years pass me by

Even a tree can grow in bad weather

Yet sometimes a tree wants more sunlight and less rainy days

Does a piece of paper give me closure?

Their cognitive forces are so outdated, my revelations are overstated

You might snap because the same bland day repeats again and again

No one to express the truth to or no one who understands

You tell the truth and all they give you is a counselor and some pills

This is why some in disarray swallow the cold steel that can give you chills

Can a funeral with empty promises and fake smiles give me closure?

And even now, you do not know the melody of my voice and my explosively kind spirit

What was lost and what was gained?

Another melody made me sane

Have I found closure?

Sweet perfume brings me back to a touch that was not there

If my voice is a mutant, then your love is just a fungus that kills all that it holds

I am not a fool anymore, yet I will embrace daring lips

Respect is earned, have I found closure?

I am sorry little big boy, you are not tough

My efforts were wasted, they were just not enough

I am just your prostitute, your quick fix

Rape my self esteem, over, and over again

Fast cars, avalanches, and what is loyalty?

I forgive you for your folly, your duplicity gives me closure

In my darkest hours, depression is my unholy drug

Yet in those moments of despair, the Legendary Ghost gives me rehabilitation

And on a magical Friday, I learned that epiphanies are better than self destruction

There is always light at the end of the tunnel, yet adversity is always detrimental to your reasoning

Another day is another blessing

Another day that is closer to those sacred answers

There is always light that is burning bright above the clouds

Not all hope is gone when you study the art of patience

We will all have eternal rest some day

And when that time comes, those dark hours will be taken by the hurricane known as a radiant sunset

Sadness is an ever growing discography

And every record progresses from the last

Once you appreciate the pain, you will know then that there is nothing left to say

Another sun, another moon

I have found closure

"Fear Ignites Trust"

In an evil trail I wander, I  am filled with fear

In this trail I walk alone

I'm reminded that your adolescence is far away as you grow into a lovely man

No one's left but me, as the shadows whisper my misery along the way

Where there is good, lurks evil that is trying to stir up the paranoid storm

Enemies I don't know, angry men after my soul

Fatality, your music preaches these ignorant words you worship, as they bring comfort to your fucked up little worlds because your daddy was not there and your mommy shot lethal heroine real well

What do you want to prove?

When in due time, karma will make you ridiculed

Innocence was raped by gyrations

My fear was calmed by a begotten Son's innovations

And I rely on Him to watch my back

Cause a knife doesn't feel well

Terrorized by fools who live life not so well

This town is endorsed by hell

And aerobics does not prevent petrified heart attacks

I'm jittery and about to crack!

And yet I come to find, all is quiet again

Time is not important, time is an illusion

And I embrace the Word

And my arms are around His Love

And His presence provides the sword

The sword calms the storm

Trust humbles the storm

"Interested?"

The concern you kept away

Are you interested in me?

War was created through conflict

Men communicate through their calloused knuckles

The concern you kept away from me...

War creates bonds through a government's selfish cause

My inner war is create because I am not important to you

Cast aside, this fire burns

Without importance, does a man have a purpose?

I am screaming at you My God!

I need you to comfort me My God!

Without feeling important, your reflection in the mirror is like a scene from a neo-noir motion picture

It is colorless and foretold by an empty and tragic life you are living

Ultraviolet light shines, hope remains as those narcissistic others walk out the door

Curtain call, I'm not begging for more

High octane speed, their immaturity is out of control!

Their final bow among their stage, no concern for our fellow man is never over folks

Melodrama is over, ray of hope allows us to rise above them all

Dear Animal, why do you use all of my resources?

Vulture! You can't wait until I'm dead and dry to consume my empty corpse

Too nice, Too nice

So nice that I'm the bad guy!

Interested in exploiting my good will

Ocean sized smile, manipulating my feelings!

I whisper in your ear and you know that should be a part of the media

Putting insecurity and fear in all

The concern you kept away

You are not interested in me

I tried to be interested in you

But even the deaf and dumb can tell..

That you live in a world called sheltered

With its moon baptized with the title of antisociality

And its stars radiance exposes the clouds...

The clouds that rain with the furry of ignorance

We must solute those poor antisocials that help us grow

They are just a black tide that will rise and fall (it will burn)

I will solute you and build a golden bridge

And the sweet fire will burn your black tide

The concern you kept away

Tranquility exists on this golden bridge today

"Sand Coffin"

Turn your face from me

Thick eye lashes sing a deep lullaby

Body language is a rapid epiphany

You are a mental prodigy

But I am a cerebral mercenary

I don't know what I saw in your soul

I might fail at science...

But I have concluded that unconditional human love is flawed

You told me all I needed to know about your small mind

Only a child will misinterpret their own reality

Only a droid doesn't have feelings

Only a brat will hold her friends....

With so little regard

Intelligence so artificial..I tighten my grip

How you moved away

I'll just let you go and I pray you grow

I can't let this sand coffin grip go

"Spiritual Warfare"

As the sand drips, I know my time is up

Some people are in despair and don't know when their problems will be washed away

Am I selfish to say that I will snap now, if God doesn't take the pain away?

And as you grow up, there are endless lessons along the way

After you walk, you begin to run and learn what's right from wrong

And if wrong gives you temporary pleasure now, will you self destruct?

Or will you find a way out?

And if your wrongs are rights, will your demons torment you?

If you need to be in your warm safe place, and get away from the wickedness

Are your wrongs really wrongs?

Did you hurt someone along the way, are your wrongs really sins?

The sun, it lowers

Another day, another sun

A new beginning

So many innocent men accused, where is your justice Lord?

Yet I know, you don't owe me any answers

And if you are an individual and act different like all the rest

Will you feel bitter when they label you and cast you aside?

And if you are a Christian, and praise the Lord for comforting you

Will you be the only one to respect His word?

And if you are a Christian, are you ashamed of what has succumbed of the flag you salute?

Will you be the only one to respect His word?

Will you meditate on His Grace and Glory, or will worshiping your immoral culture make the devil laugh at you?

If I think before I change my life, will the consequences be too high?

If I tell that I truly love you, when I just met you now, will you be scared and fly away?

And if I submit to the darkness of my tribulations, will the devil laugh at me?

Yet I know the only path, I thank Him every single day

I will follow the right path, will the promise of His grace never leave me?

"Thrice"

Good morning my darling

Shock treatment today

Did it irk you when I helped you?

Was my care too much?

Being nice all the time is overrated

My intensions underrated

The Beatles and glam rock stars are deceiving

Heroine in their veins is their healing

There is no sarcasm in my words

Follow the crowd because you can't forgive me

Am I really rotten? Am I really grey inside?

When all I wanted to do is see a smile on you

I was taught to be a gentleman

This gentleman will show you the gentle kiss of amnesty

The calm kiss of serenity

A sparrow with broken wings love

A poisonous kiss of oblivion, a hug of thorns

Our friendship did not grow in our adolescence, guess it will never grow

It was blown into smithereens, wish and wisdom upon the falling blazing comets

Walk past me like you don't know me

Resentment doesn't own me

But I will blow you a farewell kiss of amnesty,

The calm kiss of serenity...

When you're gone…

I won

"Truly Deeply in the Essence of Lost Sincerity"

Do you ever analyze why I always leave you guessing?

I'm truly madly hesitating to…

Do you ever wonder why I ask you so many questions?

You're so unique and I'm a naturally bizarre "test" maker

I know all of the answers to your questions

But gunning it down is just a game

Poke you again, you giggle again, and I'm smiling

Every day the same, but on that day we met, hope was born again

Another stop sign, you help me carry on

Being called a nerd is absurd,

Their jealousy whips her back

Raise that chin up, don't you stop

And their cold eyes froze her over

Wait a second, let me intervene

Time with you is so serene

Scum beg for help from royalty

Raise that chin up, don't you ever cry

This my sincere lullaby

It's amazing how life is unpredictable

To meet a genuine friend who is irresistible

And the wise man was wrong

Second thoughts on beautiful thoughts is like throwing fresh harvest in the garbage

Keep on moving high, the moon shines upon me

That time you changed, I cursed the sun

Damage from your cold words and blows, led to heavy sleet and snow that broke and froze my remaining heart

It's not that I don't like him

Be he stands in my way

Even if you didn't believe the things you believe, the stars would have rained down (no wish upon falling stars)

Because timid boys smoke their feelings to their head

A statue upon the clouds

Timid boys just run away

Real boys are just pushed away

I never been a begging kind

But now I have three collections

Not asking for the impossible

Just asking for a stage of expression

Cause in my dreams we are standing on the sunniest mountain

And in reality your voice is music for me

In my dreams, you unveil your beautiful face to me

Can't you bloody see?

What your friendship means to me?

Dance on the tip of that mountain

We have come this far, this far

Do you ever wonder why I ask you so many questions?

Hesitation's gone, as I sing that song

I truly, madly always wanted to say

What you mean to me

I don't really like you

Feelings so strong that I want to hide from you

All I wanted to say, is what you are for me

I don't really like you

I just know I love you

The irony of yesterday's call

The hypothetical situations I put you in

I'm never lonely, but I am when you leave through that door

High note and high note of the songs I play when I think of you

My heart beats and beats when I sit next to you

If it were on sale, I would buy your smile

Bewilderment on her eyes as she reads

And she wonders what she should do

And the world's weight is off his shoulders

And I respect the eternal law

It stings me, completely

The silver rain whispers your name

It echoes the rhyme of your name which is love mania

Smooth chill, her maiden name sounds like serene

The law states that all that adore will always stay away, for all eternity

But this was not a test

I don't win or lose

You will never have to choose

You don't know why

Neither do I

Yet I sigh

Because I can always dream upon that mountain

I let it out, there is nothing to work out

This just another lab to conclude

I just want to be your friend, until when the wind says it's my end

Just hold me tonight because for me you are serene and my heart's queen

You don't know why and that is okay, you're my secret valentine everyday

But in reality, you're too good to be fantasy

Yet I met you, but I just miss you

Thank God I met you

“Fear Itself”

The sun hardly shines in this town

Their frozen souls make their skin melt

Their expressionless faces tell and scare all

Without a soul and no definition of salvation, they are walking apparitions

Filled with stock but have no outlets

There is nothing poetic about the urban lifestyle

There is only the false American Dream, failure, and defeat

The rain drips down the windows of this vehicle

I shed a tear, all these killers roam free here

A single mother is robbed and shakes in freight

A single mother is robbed and raped at night

So leave me alone

For misery is the seed of an evil man

They clinch their fist again

They grind the knife again

Blood paints the pavement again

The people in this town are depressed

And why do apparitions roam free?

As I shed a single tear, I know that this is fear itself

“Knocking on the Door”

It takes me just three steps to walk to the door

A dark chill, a vile knock, is the devil knocking on my door?

Why does this lack of immunity happen so very often?

This fever burns, it is so haunting

Will the sand begin to drip again and tell me that my time is up?

Or are the past and the devil’s laugh teasing me?

I wait all week for your phone call

I wait months to see your face

I wait an eternity to feel your love

Maybe in another life you will love me

But in this current life, your cold chill helps me to truly and deeply fantasize about your love that was not there

You were built upon the broken moon’s star

Like all of the countless droids, you are not alone

The message is hypocritical, the system has failed

How pure can you be?

When male pride stones you, machismo hates you

How much fear can you have?

When you have free will

Where is world unity?

And

What is embracing culture?

When the fear of loving an outsider is viewed as a mutated Nazi creation

I am a fool for trying, but enlightened for knowing

Why are all of them of the same cancer with a different shape but the same emotional disasters?

Pardon me but do not be a rotten hypocrite

To just move because the moon’s star is broken means you are flawed

Accept the change, or just walk away

Don’t feed me an illusion

Because living a lie does not nourish the soul

Because loving a lie will make that lie not love you whole

I am so nice, I forgot the reason

I am so passionate, but false love is not the reason

Your system is failed, it is just the cold soul you had to borrow

The love spoken but not expressed is true sorrow

And the broken moon’s star will deteriorate season after season

Another stoning is the reason

Same sin, the devil’s knocking, and the wise Catholic abolished the liar of liars

Not in sickness or in health, not in death because what I felt for them is dead

No more sympathy, what I felt for you is dead

And this fever burns deeply, it has happened again

Physical ailment can only cause pain and someday a homicide

Their cold fear and their manipulative ignorance will cause internal rain and someday a wicked genocide

And lead me not into temptation, for my love and sympathy for her will cause my reckoning

Knock, knock, I’m falling apart, guess who’s there?

Knock, knock, a blessing opened my eyes, guess who’s there?

Knock, knock, you open the door, but you’re not there

Knock, knock, I have learned my lesson, it is just the never ending story about the cold souls that roam everywhere

Knock, knock, I inhale and digest your fear, your tragedy is your own cross to bear

- All poetry written by Ando C